Not so proud to be an American

When the elections started and Donald Trump announced that he was running for President, many people would laugh and say to me "guess you must be glad you're leaving the country."  I never laughed.  When I think back on my time living in Spain, the hardest part of that experience for me was that people assumed that by being an American I was a Bush-supporter, even when I was standing next to them in the anti-war marches and protests. So many times I heard, "but you're American, you must support your President." I didn't then, and I won't now.

All day yesterday I had a pit in my stomach, but Paúl was confident, reassuring me that the polls and reliable sources were saying it'd be close, but that Hillary would pull through.  Today I wake with a sense of shame and embarrassment.  More so than I felt with Bush. This time it's not about politics (because he clearly doesn't have any experience to back his "politics").  This time it's about humanity, diversity, equality, opportunity, and the environment.  Isn't THAT what our country is support to stand for?

How can HALF of our entire country truly think that he is the "better option" to "make our country great"? Even if Clinton wasn't your favorite candidate when it came to the issues, I can respect that. I can respect a difference of opinion on how to manage the issues of our country, as there are many, but I cannot respect supporting someone who has notoriously, publicly, and so blatantly been unreliable, disrespectful and careless in his words and actions. We can't just brush this off as "oh, he's just a guy, they're just words".  It's not just words. It's his character. Brushing it off only perpetuals and enables the problem. And we're not just talking about who will head your bowling league or your book club.... this is the leader of our country who will be the face and decision maker of international relations and major policies that will affect you, me, our families, neighbors and children for a long time.

My only hope now is in the government Republicans (with actual experience) who didn't support Trump and can hopefully be the voice of reason to keep him line. Unfortunately, with the Republicans winning the majority in the Senate and now to have the majority in the Supreme Court, this could have some serious consequences for women's rights, reproductive rights, LGBTQ rights, human rights, and the environment.

Living out of the country does not make me feel better. I am grateful that most of my family and friends are in California, in liberal areas where I hope they will be less susceptible to hate and discrimination, but I still hurt for the rest of the minorities, underprivileged, underserved people in our country. Today I am ashamed to be American, and here I am again, in a position where I have to answer for the half of the country I can't relate with when people here ask me "why did they vote for him?"  Maybe I'm the naive one, maybe I'm brainwashed- at this point, anything's possible.  Anything helps to try to comprehend how we arrived to this disgraceful point.

Here we are again

When I signed up for my 1-year volunteer assignment to move to the Ecuadorean jungle, live with a host family, and work (for free) in a public hospital with kiddos with various developmental disabilities, I thought "it's only a year".  I had no idea that 1 year would turn into nearly 2 years, a husband, a step-daughter, and a one-way ticket BACK to Ecuador 4 years later!

After a series of unfortunate events, which included getting a passport stolen on our honeymoon resulting in Paúl being sent back to Ecuador to renew his passport and visa before returning to the US to help me with our luggage (short version of the story!), Paúl and I finally hauled our 9 suitcases to SFO and gave teary hugs goodbye to my loving parents at 6am Monday morning (Oct 17th).  The trip was as smooth as 10 hours of flying can be, and we landed in Quito to be greeted by the hustle and bustle of South American city life.  It's been over a year since I've been back to Quito, and although the main skeleton has remained the same, there is much about Quito that has changed.  It seems that Quito is perpetually under construction, although, this time I can say it's for the better. They are creating tunnels and thoroughfares on some of the busiest intersections, which will eventually help the flow of traffic into and out of the city to the surrounding suburbs during rush hour. They are also constructing a subway system that will run north/south through the main valley of the city.  In the meantime- it's chaos. So many roads blocked and diverted, all over the city.   I suppose it must get worse before it gets better, right? My favorite part is that the pedestrian detour runs along the construction site, and at one point, right through it.  Literally.  The taped off walkway ends and directs you through the site to cross to the other side where the caution tape resumes. This would be my nephews idea of a dream come true! :)

What we have to look forward to

Current state of traffic

Pedestrian detour right through the site!

I also have seen that there are a ton of new restaurants, gyms, pilates/yoga studios, and small businesses.  Who knows how long each will last, but we are willing to try them all.  Paúl and I have been scouring the area for a gym that meets our qualifications and is in a convenient location in relation to his job, our house, Izi's school, and Izi's mom's house (as we know that most of our time will be spent shuttling between these 4 places).

In the meantime, life has started full speed ahead. We are getting lots of good time with Izi and getting to participate in school events now that we are in the same city. She also turned 8 this past weekend, so we were both happy to be part of her celebration. She and 2 friends wanted to go to a local play gym place with huge fun slides, bumper cars, a climbing wall, archery range, and (of course) ice cream! :)  They then had a slumber party at her mom's house and we all met up for lunch the next day- she chose sushi! She was all smiles and excited about all the books she got as presents.

Paúl started his teaching job at a local graduate studies university, and he is happy walking to and from work everyday. He is enjoying his students, so far, and glad to be back in the classroom. He also got his group of friends to start meeting up to play an Ecuadorean version of volleyball on Sundays in the huge central park. While he plays, I get to go take the big group aerobic class in the same park- that way we're both happy.

As for me, I am slowly building my clientele of private kiddos and making my connections with local doctors and therapists to get some referrals in.  I am also still working part-time for the same company back in California doing webcam therapy sessions.  Pretty cool that I get to keep that connection and work from home. The time difference, all though small, is a bit of a challenge, but it's nice to still have some income.

I suppose the good thing is that we haven't had much down time since getting here- I know that it's those quiet moments, when I'm home alone, that I start to feel a little homesick. This time is definitely different than any other time I've moved away since I'm doing it with an amazing, supportive, and loving partner. But it's still not home- yet. :)  At this point, where is "home" anyways, right? We've talked about ways we can start to build a new community here (as my brother mentioned at the wedding) ;) so I am confident that with a little time and effort, we'll make it happen.

I think of you all often, and have taken tons of random pictures to share of the day-to-day life. Check them out here

For those of you with smart phones, WhatsApp is the app I use most for texting and calls. My new phone number is +593 98 544 6369. I'd love to hear from any and all of you, however you are comfortable, whether it's emailing, texting, calls or Facebook. :) Snail mail is a bit unreliable here, so I'd encourage against that for now.

Love, Em

The final installment

I’ve been home twice since moving to Ecuador almost 2 years ago, and I remember each time being a little bit surprising, but this time felt overwhelming.

The US is a colorful place. Ecuador was colorful, literally. Dresses, blouses, shoes, buildings, all were bright, beautiful, hand sewn, chipped, hand-painted colors. But the US is colorful in a more figurative way. I had an “Oh yea, now I remember” moment stepping off the plane in Houston and seeing people of all shapes and sizes, vertically and horizontally, a variety of hair styles and dress, even body language, that I haven’t seen in almost 2 years.  The options, the bright lights, the organized lines- all reminders that I’m back on Amurhican soil. Not bad, just different.  I will say though, that being in the line for security, immigration and customs, it felt like we were all in trouble before we even reached the front of the line. I know these folks don’t have a very glamorous job but there were definitely some of them either having a power trip or a really bad morning and we were taking the brunt of it.  Passport in hand, laptops in a separate bin, ipads stored, nothing in your pockets, no smiling, let’s go, move it, move it, move it.

But before boarding my midnight flight out of Quito, Paúl and our friends organized a really nice BBQ for my going-away and I was quickly and frequently reminded throughout the day of what special, thoughtful, and genuinely good friends I have been able to have around me these past few months in Quito.  Let me back up just a bit- back a few months as our project in Tena was wrapping itself up, both due to circumstances of politics within the hospital and due to having reached the projected goal of creating a sustainable clinic that the hospital could take on and continue, Nicole and I began to explore our options of where the next project would be. She is married and has a kid in Ecuador, so she wasn’t planning to leave, and I just wasn’t ready to go yet.  It just so turned out that a clinic in Quito that she had done some work with previously was looking to revamp their pediatric therapy department and looking for some help to do so.  Perfect! So I stayed in Tena a bit longer to finish distributing the equipment I had been working on, got some more quality river time in, but started to pack my bags to move to the big city in the mountains. Also during this time, I met Paúl, which I think most of you know by this point. J  

Leaving Tena and its amazingly chill way of life wasn’t easy, but I was ready for the next step, and I’m so glad that I did. This new foundation where we began to work and collaborate was such a positive experience of working with people eager to learn and expand, and who were grateful for our time and help. Although my time with this group was short, I left on a much more positive note than I had in Tena. 

On the personal side of things, leaving Ecuador was much harder than I thought it would be. Back in November I felt like I was ready to move on, ready for the next chapter, but wasn’t sure where or what that actually was going to be.  Over the past 6 months, I have been able to form some friendships I didn’t see coming.  I was able to get even closer to a couple of girls I had become friends with towards the end of my time in Tena, one was still in Tena but would come to visit in Quito (Tamlyn from Zimbabwe) and one living in Quito (Jen from Indiana).  These 2 girls were the best dancing buddies, soundboards, and emotional support systems a girl could hope for! Being with Paúl, I have met some of his friends and their girlfriends, and we have all shared some of my best memories of Ecuador. Between a Paul McCartney concert, flat tire on the way down to an old volcano crater, ultimate Frisbee games on Sundays followed by greasy cheeseburgers and watching soccer games, and dinner parties with silly games and too much wine I feel so fortunate to have these people in my life.  We are an international group representing the US, England, Spain and Ecuador, which is a beautiful thing, but it also means we have no idea where everyone will end up over the next 2-5 years.  Great to know I have so many people around the world I can and should visit, but hard to know when our paths will ever physically cross again.   

So now that I’m home, now what? I will be with my family for a week, sorting through mail and boxes, and then Paúl will be here with me for a week while we organize our life together.  He has to return to Ecuador to finish out his school year teaching before he comes back in July.  And I will move up to Davis first to get started at my new job at a pediatric clinic. 

It’s all come full circle- I left the US in the first place for a new adventure and with the goal of getting enough pediatric experience to be able to work in this field here in the US. Mission accomplished! But it all was much more than that. I left Ecuador with a full yet heavy heart. I am SO grateful for all the friendships made, the smiles on kids faces as they discovered new things (like riding a bike for the first time), the giggles of my little sister and brother while playing on my bed as the rain poured down outside, the refreshing rivers to cool off in just a $0.25 bus ride away, the moments when I could stop to admire the way the big huge fluffy clouds danced between the Andes mountains and hovered over the craters of the volcanoes.  I know Ecuador will always be there, and technology allows us to stay in touch with people around the world, but I also know that this was, in fact, a once in a lifetime experience that I will carry with me always. 

The one-year mark

It is official; I have lived in the Ecuadorean jungle for over a year!   

As I look back on the year that has flown by I am so grateful for this experience. I know that this has been an important year for me, personally and professionally.  I have learned a lot about myself while learning about a new culture, pace of life, climate, language, and new area of practice in my career.  Coming here was a dream come true, one that I’ve had in my imagination since I was about 10 years old and learning Spanish in School. I was never sure when or how I would get here, or even where exactly here was, but I knew someday I wanted, needed, to live in Latin America in a way that wasn’t just as a traveler or student passing through.  Studying abroad in Spain was instrumental in helping me realize I could live far away and learn to navigate around a new and different way of life.  Being in the salsa dancing community in San Francisco kept me exposed to the language, music and variety of people within the Latin culture, which allowed me to open my eyes to the possibility of living (nearly) anywhere in Central or South America.  All these elements, mixed with the right timing, support from all you, a lead from a friend about CMMB and their programs, and a little bit of courage to quit my job, pack up my cute apartment, and take the leap of faith, brought me to this path, and I am so glad they did.  It has not been easy, or tearless, but it has been exciting, challenging, inspiring, emotional, rewarding, and humbling. I have been fortunate to travel around Ecuador, have my family visit me, go home to see family and watch my best friend get married, and to meet up with friends in different countries like Colombia, Bolivia, and Brazil.  I have made friendships that will last beyond the miles that may separate us in our next adventures (thanks to Facebook and the internet).  I’ve discovered and confirmed my interests in pediatrics and am certain I want to continue to pursue this path wherever I am working.  And I’ve even fallen in love!  I know many of you are thinking “I knew it would happen”- but I’ll be honest and say I did not! Romantic relationships in this culture are NOT easy to navigate as a foreigner, so I was pleasantly surprised when I found a good one. J  

So as any good blogger must do, I have compiled the compulsory “what I love vs. not my favorite” list. Please enjoy!

What I love…

• Amazing thunder and lightning storms
• Rivers and waterfalls and swimming holes
• Juices and batidos on every corner
• Walking through town and always recognizing at least one person
• Walking through town and feeling safe
• Hot humid weather- which resulted in clear naturally moisturized skin, soft hair, and no allergies!
• Never needing a coat, layers, sweater, scarf, but ALWAYS needing an umbrella just in case.
• My kiddos at work who smile big when they see me or wave to me when I see them in town
• The guy at the corner market who asks about my latest travels or adventures, and gives me advice on where to go next
• My family! Watching my little sister and brother growing up right before my eyes. Playing UNO in English with Juan, and lying on my bed playing with my stuffed bear with Rafa.  Hanging out in the kitchen with Gaby, sharing food and stories, and her correcting my Spanish.
•           Walking home from work with my best friend Alexandra, stopping along the way for jugos or ice cream
• The way Alexandra’s son cuddles with me, tells me stories, beats me at puzzles. 
• Seeing how grateful parents are when we fix up a piece of equipment for their kid. 
• Our one discoteca, and one cocktail bar. 
• Being able to jump on a $0.25 bus to go to my favorite swimming spot on a hot afternoon
• $1 taxi, anywhere in town.
• Free or $1 BailoTerapia classes in the plaza (Ecuador’s version of Zumba)

I'm so lucky to be a part of this family! Juan, Gaby, and Rafaela (who just turned 3 this week). 

Not my favorite

• Mosquitoes
• Waking up to rain pounding on my tin roof, thinking this time it’s going to cave in for sure!
• Nothing is as easy as it seems it should be
• Mosquitoes
• Ants immediately invading any appetizing food left out for even 5 minutes
• Not ever being sure you can rely on someone’s word
• Coming back from time away and finding mold on my shoes, bags, and clothes.
• Construction on our neighbor’s house starting at 7am, everyday.
• Mosquitoes
• Limited choices in food, shopping, entertainment
• Working with the less-than-appreciative hospital administration
• Luke warm water (at best) and bucket showers (although I always felt proud of myself that it was no big deal when the water ran out and I had to haul the bucket up from the water reserve downstairs). 
• Parasites and intestinal problem
• Mosquitoes

As most of you know, I am not ready to come home yet. I still feel my role here hasn't been completed, I still have more room to grow as a therapist (but then again, maybe I will always feel that way) and I still feel like I have something to contribute to the people I am working with here.  The latest project has been creating a protocol for the student/intern program, which means I've been working with both the therapists and students in more of a teaching role, and I'm really enjoying it.  

Needless to say, this journey isn't over yet! I do get to go home for Christmas next week, which I am VERY MUCH looking forward to! Stay tuned for the next entry coming soon about the Fiestas de Quito, which involve a first place medal in the soccer tournament, second place in the 40 tournament (a card game), and being crowned Queen of the Chiva (with my King, of course!).  

Happy Holidays to everyone!! 

These smiles are my reminders

I see it´s been a month since I last wrote. And the truth is I have been avoiding it intentionally.  I remember before leaving for this trip I thought about what purpose my blog would serve and I wanted it to be a way for me to show all of you where your support (emotional and financial) was being put to work. What fruits were being labored with my work and your love.  And of course to share the wacky moments that fall into the category of “only in Ecuador”.  What I didn’t want was to taint the image I was painting for you with rants or venting sessions about the hard stuff.  Obviously it exists, but it’s not what people want to read about. I am sure you get where I am going with this- it’s been a hard couple months at work.  There have been a lot of changes and not very good ones, in my opinion. I have been struggling to keep my focus on why I am here, who I am here for, and what it is I want to accomplish while here.  Easier said than done some days… BUT this afternoon I was blatantly and refreshingly reminded of all those things, so my inspiration to write to you all came flooding back in.  And as I sit here typing in the main plaza, there is a rainbow forming above me (which probably means I’ll get rain dumped on me shortly- but for now it’s perfect). 

So on to the good stuff. Due to a variety of circumstances, I saw two kids today who I haven’t been able to see in a while. First one is Oscar.  He is an 8 year old boy who has been coming to PediHabilidad since he was very little.  He is a shy guy and takes a little while to warm up to new people, but once he does, he is a sweetheart full of creativity and such adorable love for his little sister who never leaves his side during therapy.  Today was an average therapy day for us, nothing too profound, other than teaching him and his sister how to play tic-tac-toe. But for me, my heart was fulfilled to be working with him again.  When the three of them came into the clinic and we all met eyes, I think everyone’s faces lit up equally. I was certainly glad to see them, and I think the feeling was mutual.   That feels good!

And the second one- Remember Marlon? The super tear-jerker entry about the kiddo and the wheel chair we delivered to him that brought on a smile I will never forget? Well, I saw him today too!  And what a joy he was! He was a little shy for the first 2 minutes, and then it was game-on! Once his mom put him on the mat and I asked him what he wanted to play with, that Kodak smile immediately came across his face and he said “blocks! I want to build a house!”  We spent the next hour laughing, playing, smiling, and working, of course. But he would not stop giggling and chatting away.  A year ago he was cute, smiley, but quiet. Not anymore! This kid wants to move, explore, throw, climb, laugh, topple over things, and live! It breaks my heart to think of the low he experienced a few months back, but I can’t help but think I did, in fact, partake in something that had a profound impact on this kid’s life.  And his mom said he’s going to school, which is major success around here. Lots of these kiddos aren’t going for a variety of reasons (accessibility, misconceptions regarding their cognitive abilities, resources in schools, to name a few), so to know that the wheelchair that we provided this little guy allows him to participate and play with his friends (which he told me he has a lot of!) makes all the work drama seem so trivial. Thank you Marlon, for being a light in my life!

It's faint, but the rainbow is there. 

ps. that's the entrance to our one cocktail bar, with the black sign... looks inviting doesn't it!?

Life has a funny way

Change is inevitable- exciting and scary. And seems to be the only “normal” in my life in the past 13 years.  Today I figured out that since leaving for college, I haven’t lived in one physical place for more than 2 years.  Guess I keep getting the 2-year itch and find the need to keep my parents guessing “what’s next”.  Since coming back from a whirlwind and wonderful trip home for Maggie’s wedding, many people asked me “is it weird to be back?”  They asked in both directions of the trip, when I was “home” and when I came back “home”.  My only response was “it’s weird, because it isn’t weird”.  Things back in California were as I remembered, except not.  My parent’s house is not the house I grew up in even though it’s all the same furniture rearranged in a new place, and my parents could not be happier there.  My brother and sister in law are the same, except now they are parents to a 15 month old son who is hands-down indisputably the cutest toddler that exists.  My friends are still as great as ever, except now they are getting married, having children, traveling, moving, living their dreams. Hell, I got to be in my childhood friend’s wedding, where my family was represented three generations deep (my mom played music, I was a bridesmaid, and George was a ring-bearer).  That’s pretty special. 

BUT I knew my stay was temporary, and I knew I was coming back to this other place I call “home”.  Coming back felt as normal as normal can be when you live somewhere so unlike anywhere you have ever lived, and impossible to explain to people back home.   Whenever I talk to people about my experiences living abroad (wow, now a plural statement- that’s cool), I always say that it should somehow be required and that it should be for at least a year.  Walking down the street now I feel like I fit in (as much as a tall gringa can), and I try my best not to look like a tourist, because I am not. Someone at the river the other day asked me “are you here traveling” and my answer was a confident “no, I live here”.  Even if it’s temporary, I live here. 

I am not sure where I am going with all this, except to say that I’m feeling quite contemplative today as I realize my 1 year anniversary is in 6 short weeks.  I decided, on my way home from work, that I need to soak it all in and really appreciate where I am because it will be over before I know it and the next change will come.  I've realized that I haven’t taken nearly as many pictures this year as I did during my year in Spain (which is ironic because I had one film SLR camera then, and now I have 3 digital devices), but this year has felt different.  In college, I knew it was only a year- long adventure with some studying sprinkled in (still not sure how I pulled that off), but this adventure is just as much about my professional development as it is personal growth with no particular plan once the year-contract is complete. I think I always knew at some point in my life I HAD to live in South America, and I wanted to feel like I live here, not just passing through. (Mom and Dad, it’s still your fault, ya know- had it not been for Olinder and my bilingual education, I probably wouldn't be here). 

So in my effort to “soak it in”, today I took the back streets home. One block up from the main street that’s paved with sidewalks and buses and taxis zipping up and down, I walked the gravel, uneven roads filled with chickens and potholes, unattended kids playing in the streets (which would never fly in the states), abandoned cars, wood shack homes, the central market teeming with life. I walked behind the bus terminal where diesel-spewing seemingly nearly broken-down buses come zipping around the corner. I walked along the river where corrugated metal roofed homes line the bank, asking to be swept away in the next rainstorm.  I took some pictures, but I mostly just held the camera in my pocket and did my best to instill it all in my memory bank.  

After a year here, things feel normal. But stepping outside of my usual routine for a moment and really taking a good look around me, and comparing it to the week spent home, nothing is normal. And that’s what makes it all meaningful. Not to be confused with easy, but definitely exciting, interesting, and worth the journey.   

Now, I’m sure your next question is going to be “so, what’s next?”  And for those of you who I haven’t seen or talked to recently… I don’t know! And that’s the beauty of it all.  Here I am, back where I was a year ago, not sure what exactly was ahead of me, and look where I ended up. Not bad at all.  So here’s hoping the next adventure is as good as this one has been.  

Click HERE for some pictures of life around Tena. 

Doctorita Emily, orthopedic surgeon.

Hello again dear friends! This time I am writing to tell you I have decided on a career change.  I recently participated in yet another medical brigade, and had the rare experience to assist some surgeries, and based on my performance, I will now be doing surgeries in the jungle of Ecuador.  Ok, so not quite. Not at all actually, but wouldn’t that be amazing!? J Okay, so here’s what really happened…

In July, my birthday weekend, to be exact, a group of doctors/surgeons/techs/dentists/everything came from the big private hospital in Quito to do a philanthropic trip to the jungle for 2 days at the local Catholic hospital in Archidona, the next town over from Tena.  This hospital is where Nicole made her start here in Ecuador, so she is in with all the docs there, and arranged to have some of our kiddos checked out by the pediatric orthopedic surgeon.   Here is a perfect example of when you are probably assuming that it was a smooth, uneventful process to have our kids seen by the docs… and yet again, you’d be wrong. Besides, that doesn’t make for a very interesting story, does it?  See, since the last time we talked, our clinic in Tena was moved to a new location (I’ll explain that later), which means some of our kids haven’t been coming to therapy- Some of whom we had hoped to get hooked up with this brigade.  But since Tena is a fairly small town, and Nicole has been closely involved in these kid’s lives for the past 7 years, we spent a couple days driving around town, trying to track down some of the kids to give their parents the information on where and when to show up.  Again, it would have been a lot easier if everyone had cell phones, to which they provided us the number, but AGAIN, wishful thinking.   One of the kiddos was the little sister of Marlon (remember the tear-jerker entry about the kid and the wheelchair?), whose name is Maite and she has club feet so she isn’t able to walk.  Thankfully for that amazing experience with Marlon, I knew where they lived, so one day, Nicole and I jump in her car and head off for an adventure. J As we were getting closer, I was starting to doubt that my memory was going to serve correctly. What I remembered was that it was the first road after passing Archidona, then follow the road passed the soccer field after it curves left.  I know what you’re thinking. “Yea right, you’re never gonna find it”.  But as I have always been pretty good with directions and visual memory, I did in fact lead us the right way. And seriously, folks, that’s as good as directions get around here. No one knows street names, and why should you when they are rarely posted anyways.  All directions are given by landmarks and geographical references.  Just another example of how I am more and more “Ecuadorean” as the days go by. ;)

Okay, back to the story. The good news is that we arrived and Marlon’s parents were both home. We told his mom to hop in the car with Maite since we could take them down to the hospital now to be seen. The idea would be to have Maite admitted that afternoon so that she would already be there to have surgery first thing in the morning.  Mom was eager and willing, so with Maite in tow, we were back on the road heading back to the hospital. Great, success… for now.  On the way to the hospital Maite’s mom informs us that they have a type of social security insurance and, in order to get the costs of the surgery covered,  we needed to go to their hospital in Tena to get them to “transfer” Maite as a patient to the Archidona hospital. Well, this then lead us on another chase around town to figure out which place was the correct place to get the correct paperwork for all this to happen.  Somehow, still unclear to me, it all got worked out and Maite was ready for surgery the next morning when we arrived at the hospital for the big day.

Okay, so here’s where it got fun! J Since this was not our brigade, one of the questions I had for Nicole before all this was, “what is our role in this brigade, particularly, today?” she just informed me that we got the kids there (about 10 of our kids got checked out, and 4 kids had surgery), and after that we could just hang out and observe the surgeries, if possible.  Great! I’m in! Since I went to a junior college for my prerequisite classes, I never did get to do any cadaver work in my anatomy classes, so I’ll admit, I didn’t know what my physiological response was going to be to seeing someone actively cut open, but my curiosity was far too peaked to skip out on this chance! As usual, we were on Ecuadorean time so by the time our first kiddo was prepped and being put under anesthesia, Nicole had to leave to pick up her daughter, leaving me to stay and watch the surgery.  Let’s be really clear here, my understanding was that I would just watch, but I didn’t know what any of the procedures or protocols are for this kind of thing. My closest relatable experience would be watching Grey’s Anatomy on tv…. And in that OR, everyone scrubs in.  So here’s how it goes: we’re all standing around chatting, and then the surgeon says “ok, let’s scrub in”. Well, I didn’t want to be the ass who didn’t know what to do, so I just followed everyone over to the sink, imitated their techniques the best I could and scrubbed, scrubbed, scrubbed.  Walked back into the OR and was dressed and gloved by the surgical tech. Man, this is cool. It’s just like on TV, I’m official! Now what?! Well, once I was all gowned up, I just stood where I thought I would be able to see but also stay out of the way. At this point I realize that there are still people coming in and out of the room, standing around, there to observe… who aren’t scrubbed in. Uh oh.  Then I realize they are a gown-set short. Double uh oh.  Well, it’s too late at this point (and the tech sent someone off to get another gown-set), and then the surgeon is asking me “are you going to help?” to which I respond “whatever you would like”.  Triple uh oh.  “Come stand here”, he says, and motions me to his right side between him and his assistant (an actual med student, who actually does know what he’s doing, of course).  Now I’m nervous. My plan to gracefully exit if I start to feel queasy is no longer an option.  The gum I am chewing in hopes that it will supply me with small amounts of sugar to keep me on my feet is starting to lose its flavor.  I just watched one my kiddos be put under anesthesia, flipped over, legs put in tourniquets, body covered in sterile drapes, all with such detachment from the fact that this is one of my little kiddos.   I do my best to look comfortable and confident, and inside I am telling myself, keep breathing, slow and steady, this is a chance of a lifetime, don’t mess this up!   Ok, everyone’s ready and it’s go time… I hear the surgeon so that infamous word, “scalpel”. 

It. Was. Amazing.

Here’s where I am going to get a little bit graphic, so the queasy folk may want to skip on down to the next paragraph.  This particular kiddo had clubbed feet, which basically means that the ankle joint is malformed and the muscles and tendons surrounding the joint have adapted accordingly. So my job during his surgery was to hold his feet in whichever position the surgeon needed.  Thanks to the tourniquets, there wasn’t much blood, but I got an up close and personal view as they sliced, cut, clamped, repositioned, screwed and re-sewed nearly all parts of the joint.  3 hours later both feet had big screws sticking out of them to hold them in their new found correct position and the muscles could accommodate. 

And the best part of it all… I didn’t faint!! I didn’t even get queasy. I was far too distracted by how incredibly strong and intricate the human body is, how accurate and precise the surgeons were, how smooth the whole choreography of the surgery was between these 5, now 6 thanks to me inviting myself in, people.  When it was all done, the surgeon turned to me and said “so are you a med student?” To which I responded, “no, I’m just his occupational therapist”, pointing to the kiddo whose feet I had just man-handled with all the strength I had, “and I’m proud of myself that I didn’t pass out”.  “Wait, have you ever been in a surgery?” Gulp.  Turns out the surgeons knew I was a volunteer, and that I worked with Nicole in some capacity, but that was the extent of their knowledge of me.  “Well, you were a natural. You did well” he concluded.  Perhaps it was only flattery, but I’ll take it. Only in Ecuador.